I know, I’ve been writing a lot about the baby on the way. I promise, I’ll start to calm it down a bit. I hope. Until then, here’s another burning question that my three readers are just dying to know.

Wait, you are now calling OP a she, does that mean it’s a girl?

I have been reading voraciously on the topic of pregnancy trying to understand every nuance, because I’m obsessive. So of course I’m on an online pregnancy community.  One of the topics a few weeks back was a rant. Apparently the poster, unaware of the sex of her baby, refers to the baby as a “she.” Apparently the coworker was offended. “What if the baby is a boy?” she asked, “Then you’d make him gay!” Roll with me for a bit, I’m getting to the point.

Let’s put aside the absurdity of this statement for a moment. Think about the implications of the statement. If the baby was a girl and was referred to as a “he,” then, by the same logic, the baby would be a lesbian. Therefore, if you change the gender you deem your child, what will it then become? I don’t know either, so I decided what better way to find out than to switch what I called Optimus Prime every week. Think of the papers I could write!

So either you want to hit me or laugh. I’m good with either. I’ve been switching what I call little OP every week. This week he’s a she and next week she’ll be a he. It’s simply because I don’t want to get married to a single sex and then be disappointed and people look at you funny when you call her an it. Sorry, I’m not more deep.

The first in my list of baby questions I’ve gotten over the last few weeks.

Why do you call the baby Optimus Prime?

One of my jobs in life is to torment the Husband. I’m very, very good at it. Just ask him, when he’s not sitting in a corner rocking himself, mumbling, “Marshmallow hamsters eat stereos.” Pretty much since we were married, one of the games I would force him to play is name our child. I would come up with these random names and suggest them for our offspring. For example, “Hey the Husband, you know what would be a good name? Bubba Joe Ourlastname. Do you like it? Hey! if we have twins, they could be Bubba Joe and Bubba Jean Ourlastname. What do you think?” To which he would shake his head, wonder why the heck he married me, and tell me no. I’ve tried various names during the 11 years we’ve been married from Charlemagne to Virginity to Baba Ganoush.

So after the first Transformers movie you can bet I turned to the Husband and said, “You know, Optimus Prime Ourlastname would be a really cool baby name.” Now the Husband is a huge Transformers fan from childhood and instead of saying no, he realized the sheer genius of it. And if we had twins, Optimus Prime and Megatron would be perfect! They’d be mortal enemies! We spent hours discussing the implications of what a great name it was…Okay, we didn’t. But the Husband did laugh and say that the name would actually work.

Now, I may be many, many things and some of what I am is crazy, but I would never traumatize my child with some of the names I’ve come up with in the past. And that includes Optimus Prime. However, I realized that while the baby is cooking, so to speak, she needs a name and everyone uses bean, peanut, spawn, etc. I thought, why not call her Optimus Prime now. It’d be fun and we’d get less frowns with that than if I went with my first choice–the parasite. So Optimus Prime it became.

I should note that my parents actually are partially to blame for this. My dad named the Sister and I while we were in the womb after great Yankees of the 70s, and look how well we turned out! Oh, wait. Crap.

Last week I had my 16 week check-up for little OP. Yes, that means I’m currently at 17 weeks. And yes, that means I’m almost to the halfway point! That’s 20 weeks, for those of you who don’t know.

I heard the heartbeat during my appointment, and let me tell you, it was the most beautiful sound in the world only because I was convinced that Optimus Prime’s All Spark had been snuffed out. The Husband tried to tell me that the All Spark is strong and not to worry, but I’m finding that up to this point most of pregnancy is worry. First you worry in the first trimester because you are cramping a lot which must mean that a loss is eminent. Then, the morning sickness begins to wane, but there’s no movement yet so it must mean something bad. Then, the week before my appointment, my stomach got smaller. Most likely that’s due to the fact that the uterus has moved around a bit, I wanted to eat healthy foods again, and that I had energy to finally exercise. But still. Smaller tummy, no movement, no sickness…must mean no OP. The spark is gone! No, the all spark is strong! No, it’s gone! I’m a worrier so expect a few more months of me freaking out. My poor husband.

As I said, I heard the heartbeat at the appointment, and it was the most beautiful sound. Until it would stop. The triathlete was apparently in training and moving all around. I suspect it was a swim practice and not biking or running. Obviously she has no bike, and I don’t think there is a uterine bike shop as of yet. That comes in the 6th month. And I think at this point running is just swimming a different stroke. The poor doctor was moving the Doppler across my belly to capture the heartbeat. She would find it only for little OP to move again. But it was there. It was strong, and that’s all I needed to hear. My little triathlete. *sigh* Help me!

The doctor asked if I wanted the gender scan at 18 or 20 weeks. I, possibly stupidly, said 20. I may have surprised her since from the pregnancy boards I’m on, women want any ultrasound they can get as soon as they can get. Instead I’m all, “Let’s wait because 20 weeks is just so much better. Blah blah blah.” But here’s the thing. 20 weeks is my birthday week, and I’ve been very superstitious during this pregnancy. My first appointment was on my parents’ wedding anniversary so I want to continue the theme as much as possible. Plus, how great would it be to find out the gender for my birthday. Therefore, I will wait until August 6 (the day after my birthday, but still), and hopefully have a lovely little present. Then I will decide if we do an Optimus Prime theme or an Arcee one.

That’s right, husband, be proud I remembered the girl Transformer’s name.

And no. I’m not doing a transformers theme for the nursery. That would be weird. Of course, when I go into labor you can bet there will be a post that Optimus Prime has transformed and rolled out. If only it were that easy.

So, I’ve been getting questions about this pregnancy. If you have any you would like answered, unless I feel it’s TMI, ask it in the comments. I’ve already been asked:

• Why do you call the baby Optimus Prime?
• Wait, you are now calling OP a she, does that mean it’s a girl?
• I thought you didn’t want kids.

I plan to answer those questions so you don’t need to ask them. Okay, I need to check on dinner so this is all you get for today.

The Husband has signed up for a lot of races this summer, and while it’s annoying for me as a spectator who must wait hours for him to finish, I’m very proud of him for setting these challenges for himself. With a baby on the way, a lot of people have said that he will have to give it all up. I disagree. I think he needs to keep it up as much as he can.

While I hate the name, we are in the grips of an “Obesity Epidemic” in this country. Don’t believe me? Go to the mall and look at the people. Look at the kids. So many are overweight or obese. I agree that we come in all sizes and that some of us are prone to a larger size, but there is difference between a large frame and a 7-year-old boy with jiggling breasts. And with little Optimus Prime on the way I worry about the best way to teach her about being healthy without turning into an obsessive eater/anorexic/bulimic/whatever. I do agree that lecturing to someone is not the way to go, it will either turn them off or trigger an overreaction, but I have to believe that there is a way to keep your kids healthy.

After long talks with the Husband (because I talk everything through much to his repeated annoyance) I think the one of the best ways to teach your child is by example. Instead of a lecture go out and be active, pick broccoli over fries at dinner, eat reasonable portions, and, yes, have an occasional cookie. I want the Husband to run, bike, or swim as much as he can, not because I want to get rid of him and then make the child to love me best. On the contrary, I want him to show little OP that being active is part of life, that you need to make time for exercise, and that it can actually be fun. Don’t think I will be sitting on the couch watching TV. While I’m fortunate enough to work at a college where I can exercise at lunch, I still plan to do some workouts at night even if it’s to just go for a walk.

I have to admit that I’m looking forward to just getting Optimus Prime involved. We plan to buy a running stroller so the Husband can take her running, and I actually want to run with them! I think it would be fun to run as a family especially if the mad runner gets the stroller handicap. Of course, that could just be hormones talking. With two working parents we’ll need to get in whatever quality time we can with Optimus Prime and why not do it by getting off our butts and going for a hike or a bike ride?

The best laid plans don’t always work so I may end up with a 7-year-old boy with jiggling breasts, but I think it’s better to go down fighting than with a soda in one hand and a TV remote in the other. And I know all of you with kids will scoff and say, “Wait until it’s your turn. You’ll change your mind. You’ll be so tired that you won’t want to do anything” And you know what? I really hope you are wrong.