First a weekend update. I did not run the race on Saturday. We ran errands all day and I just crashed. I blame the Husband because he said if you don’t physically feel up to it, you shouldn’t do it. Had he got all Jillian on me, I’d have made myself go and probably gotten sick, but I would have felt accomplished. I’ll try again next year.

A few posts back, I mentioned some exciting things in the Kis*knit household. While I wish I could report that I just knit 10 skeins of yarn in the last week and am now in the 40s, alas that is not the case. However, a couple other interesting things are happening.

The first of the two is sort of lame, but it’s a first step. I wanted to start getting my photography out locally. I’m an amateur photographer, but it’s something I enjoy and like to think I’m good at. I did a bad job building my portfolio past what I have, but I did get into a juried show at my local YMCA. It’s not a huge deal as I suspect they just let everyone in, but it’s up.  Also, the sheet I picked up said it was a holiday themed, but apparently not all the sheets said that so it’s not a photo that I would have normally picked. It’s a start. Hopefully next year I can focus on it more. Of course the second item may make this difficult.

I’ve been thinking about my career options. I’m currently a web programmer, but were I to switch jobs, I don’t think I would want to continue that path. I’m just getting burnt out. So, since I work at a college, I decided to start taking classes to see if Exercise Science or something equivalent is what I want to do. If it is, I will be going for my masters in the subject. I have narrowed down the focus a bit to either the exercise/nutrition/psychology link in weight loss or how to combat joint stiffening as we age–possibly including joint problems, RA, and other ailments along with aging. It’s a lot to think about and I’m worried that at 35, I’m just too old and too busy with a full-time job and kid to pursue it.  We’ll see. It may be the best thing yet. I’m hoping to talk a bit about what I learn in the intro class next semester, if my lovely readers are interested.

OP’s second (!) birthday is this week, and we’ll be celebrating with grandma and grandpa tonight. I’ve been thinking about the last two years with her. Parenthood is a tricky thing. Before you have the baby you know exactly how you will act as a parent. Discipline won’t be a problem because you read some book by Dr. Hot Right Now. Your child will never act up in public. You will have tons of energy, because of course your child will sleep through the night. I will admit, I’m guilty of some of it. I never read the book, but I had certain beliefs with discipline.  I fully expected my kid to act up in public, but I didn’t expect how horrified I would feel. I’m exhausted beyond what I every expected even though my kid does sleep through the night.

I’ve learned a lot about my parent self in the last two years. So to bore you, here’s some highlights.

I’m more patient that I ever imagined

I have never been a patient person. I get annoyed very easily and when I think back to my baby-sitting experience, it’s the one thing I wish I could change. With OP, however, I have patience to spare. (My mom always said it’s different with your kid. Darn her, she was right.)

If I slept only 3 hours last night and now OP is having a temper tantrum because Sesame Street is over and we have to go to day care and she doesn’t want to go to day care in these clothes where are her PJs? She just wants her PJs and Sesame Street and you never let me do what I want to do!!!!!! I get short and irritated with her, but I don’t throw her out the window*, I don’t yell at her, I don’t scream FINE, SIT AROUND IN YOUR PJS FOR ALL I CARE and then stomp off in a fit. Two of the three, I thought I would do. Instead, I pick her up like normal and say, in a somewhat chipper/soothing voice although probably angrier than I think, that I understand that she’s mad but she has to go to day care in clothes blah blah blah. It’s so weird. I don’t know who I am.

Of course, I have less patience for the Husband. Maybe I’m still me, it’s just transferring.

*Hyperbole y’all.

What if I wore a hat with my PJs?

I’m one of those moms

You know those crazy people talking to themselves? I do that, but with OP. I talk to her constantly in the store, and not always quietly. “Oh look, OP, it’s an avocado!” “Can you turn the cart rocket to the right?” It’s a sickness and I can only imagine that it’s obnoxious. People stare at me.

I get my crazy from my Mommy.

I let discipline fly out the window

I’m old school when it comes to discipline. No, not spanking, but boundaries, consequences, and discipline. Of course, I was raised with “You want me to give you something to cry about” when you tried to work the system with some tears. My parents followed through every time and I turned out okay. More or less.

Someone told me they heard a parent in a store tell their child that they were being “bold” rather than saying they were behaving badly. Bold? Really? You’re being a brat kiddo, knock it off or there will be a price. Bold. Ugh. In the meantime, the kid was still a brat and his mommy was doing absolutely nothing to stop it.

But, when OP is screaming because all she wants to do is paint the house with her poop while balancing on the top of the chair eating her 7th cookie and juggling knives** and why won’t you just LET HER DO IT, and you’re tired, stressed, and really really need to go to the bathroom? Sometimes you cave in, which is bad because consistency is key, but sometimes you just don’t have the wherewithal to deal with it.

I thought it would be easier to say no because it’s how you show your child how much you love them. “No, you can’t play with the chain saw” = I love you. “No, you have to eat a vegetable.” = I love you. “No, you can’t dance naked outside in the snow because you will freeze to death.” = I love you. But then she cries. It takes every ounce of strength to keep saying no and some days, there is just no strength left. I don’t think I’m as patient as I thought

**More hyperbole y’all.

I like to juggle knives!

I’m one of those moms (again)

OP gets progress reports at day care. One said that she was still learning shape sorting. Excuse me? Not my baby! She sorts like a genius at home. She is a shape sorting master! Adults come to her to learn the ways of the shape sorter! It was all I could do not to walk over to the teacher and argue about how my precious exceeded that skill and that maybe they need to reevaluate. Yeah, I hate those parents and swore I’d never be one, but that’s my inclination. Fortunately, I don’t act on it. I usually go home, talk it out with the Husband first, and then talk to the offending party if it actually is a big deal outside my brain. I really hope this one goes away before she starts school, or I will end up in a special home.

I'm a genius. Don't they see that?

The mushy one

I love the Husband. He makes me happy and I never thought I could be so happy until I met him. Then we had a little girl–a rambunctious, hilarious, witty, and amazing little girl. I have never been so happy. All the stress and knife juggling and tantrums does not compare to that feeling when she gives a spontaneous hug or runs over to me all excited to go home after day care. Every time she demonstrates something that she learned from us, it boggles my mind that she used to be just a random kick in my belly. I never thought I would be so in love with my little girl.

Happy Birthday, OP!

Pattern: Knucks
Yarn: Knit Picks Gloss Fingering
Needles: US 2

Don't my hands look so warm?

I have been wanting gloves like these forever. Well, maybe not forever, but for the last couple years. I just love the idea of them. In an effort to clear out my stash, I decided that this was the winter I would have fingerless gloves.

The pattern was pretty easy, although I misread the directions to attach the thumb and did it backwards. That said, my screw up still worked out fine–I just had to make sure I repeated said screw up for the second glove. The pattern has you make the fingers first and then work from the fingers to the wrist. I”m not sure I like this method, but I’ve never made gloves the other way so this may be better. I’ll let you know if I ever make them from the wrist up.

That's what you'll see if you shake my hand.

I love this yarn. It is soft and reasonably warm. My only complaint is that it is pilling a bit faster than I’d like, but then again, I’ve been wearing them constantly.

Normally when I knit something, I like it but there are a couple flaws that I really wish there was something I did differently and that’s all I see in the piece. Not this one. I don’t know if I’m growing as a person (ha!) or if that sweater class last February improved my knitting, but I’m happy with every part. I don’t see the mistakes, but rather see the good. I hope more of my projects go like this.

Back in November I ran my very first 10k (6.2 miles). My training had issues in October and November thanks to illness, a bad back, and general laziness. Had my training stayed consistent before the event, I would have felt and done much better. My time was pretty good, around 1:10 or so, but at 4 miles I started to really lose it. My left knee just went and each step was painful. Walking was better, but I didn’t want to walk, I wanted to run this race. I’ve since fixed this issue by picking up a Cho-Pat Knee Strap, which I greatly recommend. It’s not meant for all knee issues, but for my type of knee issues, it works great. The pain is mostly gone and my knees feel better overall. Everything is more stable. I just now need a second one because it works well with both knees.  I hope it doesn’t look too dorky to wear them on each knee.

The knee pain was awful enough, but the end of the race made everything worse. Well, let’s just say I have issues ending a race.

For some reason, at the end of just about every race I do, I get dizzy, I can’t run any more, and I start to panic. I don’t think it’s an endurance thing. During a regular run any day of the week, I’m fine. I can go for a 5 or 10k run, and reach the end. I think I get nervous about the people at the finish line which makes the adrenaline (or something) kick in causing the dizziness and then the panic and “ohmygod! I’m going to pass out” starts escalating and I’m in a tailspin of mediocrity and panic. What’s the worst that can happen if I were to pass out? Nothing. Maybe I’d get to go to the hospital and people would send me flowers or presents and I’d be home from work for a couple days! It’s win-win, right? That would be sarcasm people.

Mostly.

I do like presents.

I have to figure out how to fix it, because I don’t like it.  I used to have similar issues before a race, but I think I’ve pretty much squashed them at this point. I still get nervous before a race and have to pee like 75,201 times, but I no longer get dizzy and sick before. I just don’t know what I did to stop it. Maybe it was that I kept doing them? Right now I’m attempting to visualize as I run. When I get towards the end I pretend I’m in a race and that I hear the music and the people. I think about how I would feel and then box it up, calm myself, and try to relax. I once tried to include yoga breathing and the theory of So Hum (which is the sound the universe makes when it breathes, or something), but that had it’s own issues. I have a race on Saturday. We’ll see if this works!