A few weeks back I was trying to fall asleep. Laying in bed at some ungodly hour of the night I started to feel movement, not just random movement, but a furious attack. Over and over OP kicked or punched or headbutted the evil fiend. Over and over I felt her rage against her enemy. I turned over hoping to dislodge her from her attack, and it worked for about five minutes when she readjusts herself and launches the attack anew.

What enemy, you ask? The mattress. Apparently the mattress has made a grievous offense towards Optimus Prime and now almost every night, she must show that mattress a lesson. I imagine that little OP talks to the mattress every night and says, “So mattress. We meet again.” or something to that effect. Something dramatic and Stewie-like. But then something has to keep me amused as I lay there night after night, caught in the middle of this epic battle.

And before you comment to tell me why she’s attacking the mattress, I suspect it’s because I’m sleeping on my side and it’s pressing in on her space. Which is actually a good segue way into the next topic up for discussion.

The Husband has a new game around these parts. Occasionally, was we watch TV, Optimus Prime starts moving around. Being the good wife trying to make the Husband feel a part of this pregnancy I notify the Husband so he can feel if he wants. Over the last week or two, he has started to play a game with his daughter wherein he pokes her back. It is absolutely hilarious. I get a kick from her and an answering poke from him in the same place. She pauses a moment and then usually kicks (or punches) back. Lather, rinse, repeat. She doesn’t always get it, but more and more she pokes back. They are bonding. Through my stomach. No bruises yet, but give it time.

The first in my list of baby questions I’ve gotten over the last few weeks.

Why do you call the baby Optimus Prime?

One of my jobs in life is to torment the Husband. I’m very, very good at it. Just ask him, when he’s not sitting in a corner rocking himself, mumbling, “Marshmallow hamsters eat stereos.” Pretty much since we were married, one of the games I would force him to play is name our child. I would come up with these random names and suggest them for our offspring. For example, “Hey the Husband, you know what would be a good name? Bubba Joe Ourlastname. Do you like it? Hey! if we have twins, they could be Bubba Joe and Bubba Jean Ourlastname. What do you think?” To which he would shake his head, wonder why the heck he married me, and tell me no. I’ve tried various names during the 11 years we’ve been married from Charlemagne to Virginity to Baba Ganoush.

So after the first Transformers movie you can bet I turned to the Husband and said, “You know, Optimus Prime Ourlastname would be a really cool baby name.” Now the Husband is a huge Transformers fan from childhood and instead of saying no, he realized the sheer genius of it. And if we had twins, Optimus Prime and Megatron would be perfect! They’d be mortal enemies! We spent hours discussing the implications of what a great name it was…Okay, we didn’t. But the Husband did laugh and say that the name would actually work.

Now, I may be many, many things and some of what I am is crazy, but I would never traumatize my child with some of the names I’ve come up with in the past. And that includes Optimus Prime. However, I realized that while the baby is cooking, so to speak, she needs a name and everyone uses bean, peanut, spawn, etc. I thought, why not call her Optimus Prime now. It’d be fun and we’d get less frowns with that than if I went with my first choice–the parasite. So Optimus Prime it became.

I should note that my parents actually are partially to blame for this. My dad named the Sister and I while we were in the womb after great Yankees of the 70s, and look how well we turned out! Oh, wait. Crap.

Last week I had my 16 week check-up for little OP. Yes, that means I’m currently at 17 weeks. And yes, that means I’m almost to the halfway point! That’s 20 weeks, for those of you who don’t know.

I heard the heartbeat during my appointment, and let me tell you, it was the most beautiful sound in the world only because I was convinced that Optimus Prime’s All Spark had been snuffed out. The Husband tried to tell me that the All Spark is strong and not to worry, but I’m finding that up to this point most of pregnancy is worry. First you worry in the first trimester because you are cramping a lot which must mean that a loss is eminent. Then, the morning sickness begins to wane, but there’s no movement yet so it must mean something bad. Then, the week before my appointment, my stomach got smaller. Most likely that’s due to the fact that the uterus has moved around a bit, I wanted to eat healthy foods again, and that I had energy to finally exercise. But still. Smaller tummy, no movement, no sickness…must mean no OP. The spark is gone! No, the all spark is strong! No, it’s gone! I’m a worrier so expect a few more months of me freaking out. My poor husband.

As I said, I heard the heartbeat at the appointment, and it was the most beautiful sound. Until it would stop. The triathlete was apparently in training and moving all around. I suspect it was a swim practice and not biking or running. Obviously she has no bike, and I don’t think there is a uterine bike shop as of yet. That comes in the 6th month. And I think at this point running is just swimming a different stroke. The poor doctor was moving the Doppler across my belly to capture the heartbeat. She would find it only for little OP to move again. But it was there. It was strong, and that’s all I needed to hear. My little triathlete. *sigh* Help me!

The doctor asked if I wanted the gender scan at 18 or 20 weeks. I, possibly stupidly, said 20. I may have surprised her since from the pregnancy boards I’m on, women want any ultrasound they can get as soon as they can get. Instead I’m all, “Let’s wait because 20 weeks is just so much better. Blah blah blah.” But here’s the thing. 20 weeks is my birthday week, and I’ve been very superstitious during this pregnancy. My first appointment was on my parents’ wedding anniversary so I want to continue the theme as much as possible. Plus, how great would it be to find out the gender for my birthday. Therefore, I will wait until August 6 (the day after my birthday, but still), and hopefully have a lovely little present. Then I will decide if we do an Optimus Prime theme or an Arcee one.

That’s right, husband, be proud I remembered the girl Transformer’s name.

And no. I’m not doing a transformers theme for the nursery. That would be weird. Of course, when I go into labor you can bet there will be a post that Optimus Prime has transformed and rolled out. If only it were that easy.

So, I’ve been getting questions about this pregnancy. If you have any you would like answered, unless I feel it’s TMI, ask it in the comments. I’ve already been asked:

• Why do you call the baby Optimus Prime?
• Wait, you are now calling OP a she, does that mean it’s a girl?
• I thought you didn’t want kids.

I plan to answer those questions so you don’t need to ask them. Okay, I need to check on dinner so this is all you get for today.